Ten Years Later

9/11 was horrible. I don’t want to experience that again. I would however like to live the few weeks after 9/11 again. Not the sleepless, crying over news footage and nightmares involving planes part, but rather the collective cultural shift that took place. We became the country I’d always kind of hoped we were. For a short time we didn’t care what anyone looked like, who anyone loved or how they vote. We had all gone through this traumatic event and saw the way we were feeling in the faces of total strangers. It wasn’t something any of us wanted to go through but we all understood each other. It was this common thread of confusion and mourning and sadness that eventually gave way to everyone comforting each other. I hugged more crying strangers in the two weeks after 9/11 than I ever imagined possible. Not that I imagined hugging strangers, but you understand.

People were bewildered. They were angry. It felt as though America was a family and someone we loved was suddenly taken away from us unexpectedly and with malice. It was this time when we let our prejudices give way to compassion. We all cried when watching families begging on television for any word from loved ones. Word that never came. We all began to think of the people we loved in our lives. The people we’d lost too. It was the most emotionally introspective time in American history as long as I’ve been a part of it. We all just wanted to be ok.

After a week or so people began feeling a little better because we realized we weren’t going to let this event beat us. We were going to be ok. We were going to be ok because we felt everyone else knew what we were going through. For once I felt we were the UNITED states. Even though a tragedy of this magnitude had to happen to get us there.

Then it all went to shit.

So what happened? We let ourselves get lost in fear. The worst had happened. We moved past it. Then we began feeling it could happen again. We sought out the guidance of anyone in charge and they didn’t care because they were too busy seeing how much they could get away with by profiting from wars and stockpiling political capital.

In no time we seemed to forget about how important it is to treat strangers with kindness. We started hurling insults based on race and sexual orientation again. We bought duct tape and plastic for no good reason. We went to Iraq. The Patriot Act passed which is the equivalent of letting a fireman move into your house, listen to all your phone calls, read all your e-mails and sleep with your wife after he didn’t help put out the fire that destroyed your house in the first place all because the mayor told you it’s for your own good.

And instead of accurately writing off the actions of 9/11 as those of misguided religious zealots we began to target our hate towards Muslims. Muslim became the new black. It was a group of people we knew little about so it became easy to persecute them. Even the ones who were born and raised in this country. We turned on our own. And for what?

So here we are ten years later. We’re more divided now than ever. We should be happy we’ve made it so far as to have an African-American in the White House. We should be happy in some states people can marry who they love regardless of sex. We should be happy we live in a nation where we can still say what we want. What do we do with this? We complain about the most inane things. I bet more people can name the Kardashian sisters than can name people who have lost their lives in the two wars we’re fighting. We’re too busy getting the latest app than we are reaching out our hands to help our fellow man.

People say we can’t let the terrorists win. Terrorists want people to fight among themselves. They want people to hate each other so they can do whatever nefarious thing comes to their misguided heads. They thrive on other people’s discord. The more we fight and hate the closer they are to winning.

I want for what happened on 9/11 to never happen again. I want us as a country to stop hating so much. We’re all in this together. We all have differing opinions on things but we shouldn’t let these opinions cloud our judgement of people. America is a great country full of great people. We can achieve anything we want if we try. If we can get out of our own way we can do great things again.

Do not let the lives lost on and because of 9/11 be lost in vain. No one who has died wishes they’d spent more time finding reasons to hate one another. Not a one of them wishes they’d spent less time with their friends and family and more time talking about rich skanks or sports stars they’ll never meet. We owe it to them to make this the best country possible. To lead the best lives possible. Lives where the impact on others is judged not on how much we hate them but how much love we gave away.

That’s what I learned from 9/11. I hope it helps.

- Joel

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Cars, Dolphins and Other Things

So my car blew up. Well, my head gasket blew. It’s gonna cost more than it’s worth to fix so time to get a new car. I’ve avoided it long enough. Sweet lord. 3000 dollars to fix a car that doesn’t have the words “bat” or “mobile” in it’s name and doesn’t involve an engine part made of leprechaun bone or unicorn horn seems super stupid. And I know super stupid.

Coming up on the ten-year anniversary of 9-11. That ought to make for an uplifting Sunday. I was gonna spend my Sundays like I always do and set up two games of Jenga side by side, but that seems uncouth an activity for this Sunday.

Hopefully going to L.A. in a few months to visit a certain Armenian. That’s right. I’m gonna take a crack at Kim Kardashian. Hell, everyone else has. Not really. This is the Armenian. She’s funny. And not here anymore which makes OKC less funny than it was. If we lose a Chad, Brad Chad or a Spencer to another state, we’re screwed. And no. I didn’t forget about this goob. Yeesh.

RIGHT NOW

Song – Broken Sorrow by Nuttin’ But Stringz –

What they lack in spelling skill they make up for with violin skills. It’s a wash.

Movie – Amputee Dolphin –

Morgan Freeman can now check “Starring in shitty movie about a tailless dolphin.” off his bucket list. Someone should tell him he’s Morgan Freeman.

- Joel

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Here Goes…

This is either the best idea I’ve ever had or the worst. Either way it’s gonna be interesting.

I’m making a movie.

“Everyone says that though, stupid.” Yeah, but not everyone actually does it. Over the next few weeks we’ll have a production blog and You Tube Channel set up to chronicle the process. I’m equal parts excited and scared. Just like that time I juggled full grown cheetahs. We’ll see what happens.

I’m not doing this alone. My friend came up with a great idea for a comedy. We’re in the process of setting up deadlines for production. The only thing in our way is us, so now that we’re out of the way, all should go well.

“What’s your dumb movie about, stupid.” Well if I tell you, voice in my head, you won’t care about seeing it. So we’ll leave the specifics for later on. I will say it’s funny and heartbreaking and pulls from things in the past that happened to me. Will it piss people off? Yep. Will it be hilarious? Better be, otherwise this is all for nothing.

How am I preparing for this endeavor? Well, aside from having to be more disciplined than I’ve ever been, I’ve also decided to carry that over into my personal life. Sweet lord, this is gonna be a challenge. I’m giving up the following until the movie is completely finished…

• Diet Coke – Sure, it’s slowly killing me, and when I guzzle half a gallon of it mixed with two gallons of rum at the completion party, I’ll make up for lost time, but until then my Aspartame laced friend will be nowhere around.
• Alcohol – I’ve had some pretty crazy adventures while drunk. I can’t recall them but from what I’ve heard, they were crazy times. No Sailor Jerry’s. No Chimay. No nothing. Not a drop of liquor will cross these sweet, sweet lips of mine until the project is completely done. This only means once it is done, the unrivaled drunk I will tie on will be epic. Epic I tell you.
• Any and all fast food. It’s not I eat a lot of fast food, I just travel a lot and small Oklahoma towns aren’t known for their culinary expertise. Basically it’s easier to sue a Burger King if you get sick as opposed to Aunt Sally’s Pie N’ Fry in Podunk Oklahoma.
• Sex – That’s like me saying I’m giving up gold plated ostrich egg omelets. Neither one exists in my life! Yay!

Basically I’m becoming a single Mormon for the sake of a movie only without the bike riding. I will be wearing a name tag that says “Elder Decker” but just because it sounds cool. So be prepared to be bombarded with internet stupidity over the next couple of months.

Also, I’m gonna be kind of edgy because of Diet Coke/Rum/Whopper withdrawals, so don’t think it’s your fault if I snap at you. Unless you’re Glenn Beck, in which case it’s TOTALLY your fault.

RIGHT NOW

SONG- Best of What’s Around by DMB – “It’s not where, but who you’re with that really matters.” I don’t care what my super talented friends say. I like Dave Matthews. I know to my musician friends his music is to good music as the upcoming sitcom Whitney is to actual funny things. Dammit that show looks awful. Now that I’ve compared Dave Matthews to Whitney Cummings, I’m gonna go cry for a second.

MOVIE - Backdraft - It’s the best movie about fire since 1979′s Rutget Hauer vehicle Fireblast 6000, a movie I wish existed.

- Joel

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I Get It. I Suck.

The above video is for the type of song I hear at a record store, then am afraid to ask the hipster employee who sings it. I don’t ask for fear of hipster retribution. “Uh, it’s Foster The People.” would be the verbal response. The ulterior response is, “Stupid ass. How do you NOT know who this is? You wouldn’t know good music if it hit you in the face with it’s flannel draped forearm covered in tattoos cooler than you’ve ever thought of being. I want to murder your stupid, mainstream music listening, face. Ugghhh. You’re so lame.” Then he kicks me out, closes up shop, throws on his backpack adorned with vintage pins, full of “graphic novels” (comic books) about suicidal 16 year old Japanese girls, rides home on his thirty year old Schwinn, where he cracks open a PBR and talks with other like minded hipsters about the dumb ass at the record store. Then they spend all night fostering their false sense of individuality by complaining about how The Flaming Lips aren’t good anymore or mourning the loss of the “Zine” at the hands of technology.

Sure, I’d rather hang out with a bunch of old man hat wearing, bearded, hipsters than a group of frat guys. However, both groups are more similar than they’d like to admit. False sense of power in numbers and all. It’s like the greasers and townies. There are positives and negatives to both groups. Greek life folks and hipsters are almost identical on some levels. They think everyone but their group of cloned friends are awful. They get rowdy when drunk. They both find it cool to bash Obama. They look on others with scorn because the other group just “doesn’t get it”.

We’re all human. Let’s bridge the divide between Wilco worshipping Velma lookalikes and popped collar d-bag ambassadors. We all like cheap beer. We all like pretty girls and decent music. That’s enough, right?  At best it’s a good start. Now maybe I won’t feel like such an outcast loser the next time I’m at Guestroom Records or Abercrombie. I’d like to think I’m like the MLK of inane social groups.

Then again, maybe if I were more assertive I’d have a better music collection.

RIGHT NOW

SONG – Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO -

If this song doesn’t at least get part of your body tapping, then you’re probably deaf.

MOVIE – Source Code –

This movie was legit. Like a really good episode of the Twilight Zone. Also, Michelle Monaghan is dreamy. And by Michelle Monaghan I mean Jake Gyllenhall. And by Jake Gyllenhall I mean Vera Farmiga.

- Joel

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Comedy Returns To 51st St. Speakeasy

Alright OKC. It’s been too long. Comedy returns to 51st St. Speakeasy on Thursday August 4th. Bad Pilot Night IV. What’s Bad Pilot Night? It’s where myself, Spencer Hicks and Chad McNaughton make fun of a show for your viewing pleasure. Live. It’s like Mystery Science Theatre 3000 but live, with way more profanity and no robots.

So mark you calendars. Thursday, August 4th. Speakeasy. Free.

This time I won’t be so bombed I don’t remember anything.

RIGHT NOW

Song – Mastermind by Deltron 3030 – The fact I was unaware this existed upsets me a bit.

Movie – Raging Bull – Most eloquent inquiry into whether or not an individual may or may not be engaging in sordid activities with one’s betrothed.

- Joel

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Just Raise It

Since 1962 the debt ceiling has been raised 74 times. 10 of those times have been since 2001. When’s the last time you were aware raising the debt ceiling was an issue? That’s what I thought. This is the first time I can remember it mattering. It’s also the first time we’ve had a black president and a historically oppressive political party with everything to gain by the economy collapsing. “But Joel, you’re a liberal Democrat so I assume you’ve got an agenda.” Well, you’re wrong. I just like to point things out sometimes in the hopes you’ll realize what’s going on.

First of all, no one cared at all when the debt ceiling was raised the previous 74 times. Sure, there may have been some uproar, but nothing like the vitriol (racism) spewed at this president. George W. wants to go to war with a country that had nothing to do with 9-11? Ok. America didn’t seem to have a problem with that. George W. was a liar. The fact he got reelected still bothers me. Speaking of reelection, if I were Barack Obama I wouldn’t want to be president another four years. Look at the toll it’s taken on his looks. To quote Seth Meyers, “He looks like Lou Gosset Sr.”

Remember in the nineties when taxes were raised and the country went to shit? Yeah. Me either. Tax rates now are less than they have been since 1950. There was a time when the wealthy in this country paid a 90% tax rate. 90% percent and they were still able to afford gold plated slaves. Eff off Rockefellers.

The Republicans have nothing to gain but a 2012 election talking point if the entire economy of this country collapses. “Well the black guy screwed up. Vote for this handsome Mormon or this woman with a gay husband. Come on America. You’re stupid. You’ll do it.”  Might be a bit much to assume Republicans think Americans are stupid, then I watch FOX News for 12 seconds and realize that’s their entire platform.

This isn’t about the president trying to screw the wealthy. It’s about doing what’s best for America. The right has managed to get the middle class to rally around and support the rich continuing to get richer while they get paid nine bucks an hour to work at Wal-Mart.  Good on ya rich people. Helluva thing to get the victim to cheer the victimizer. It’s the political equivalent of getting a battered woman to cheer on getting punched in the face. “He says he loves me.” He doesn’t.

There is nothing wrong with asking the rich to throw down a little more to live in a country that allows them to be wealthy. If I were wealthy I’d have no problem schilling out more taxes to make sure other Americans are ok. Americans who work their asses off everyday to make sure my coffee tastes how I like it or my oil is changed because I’m not a real man who should know how to change his oil. To make sure those people can sustain a level of living where the conundrum never presents itself where they have to choose between medical care or paying their mortgage.

When I was 14 my little brother fell and split his ear open. He was 5 at the time. I remember my dad cradling my crying brother and looking at my mom with tears in his eyes saying, “But we don’t have insurance.” It’s the only time I saw my father cry. I remember that affecting me on a guttural level I still recall with sadness today. Here was a guy who worked 14 hour days to support his wife and five kids in a small house and died at 39 from what I can only assume was stress brought on by the financial situation he perpetually found himself in. He didn’t drink or smoke and exercised fervently. The factor that was most negative in his life was his working hard and never seeming to get ahead. Like so many Americans before and after him. Do I feel bad asking someone like Bill Gates or Jay-Z to throw down a little extra so someone like my dad doesn’t have to worry so much? No. Not in the least.

Here’s how you solve the problem. Get the rich to throw down a little more. Is it because it’s easy to spend other people’s money? Yes. It’s easy to assume a human being with identical life span as anyone else but is worth billions can go ahead and plunk down some extra coin to help make sure the soldier fighting in Afghanistan or Iraq gets their paycheck. Maybe a jet tax isn’t bad. If you own a goddamned jet, then yes, you should pay more for that. Sorry, jet owners. Is this coming from a poor Irish kid who has fought his entire life to get a buck or two? No. This is coming from a patriotic American who thinks America staying in business is the best thing in the world. We’re an amazing country with amazing people who complain too much about things that aren’t really important.

So come on government, just do what you’re gonna do anyway. Because it’s the right thing to do.  And ease up on the president. Everyone remembers Jackie Robinson’s name but no one remembers the name of the random white trash blowhards who made his life a living hell.

RIGHT NOW

Song – OTIS by Jay-Z and Kanye West – Are you kidding me? Unless you hate awesomeness in your earholes, there’s really no way you can’t like this song.

Video – My Childhood Entertainment In Less Than Two Minutes – This about sums up the extent of my childhood video library. Hopefully this explains a lot.

- Joel

Saturday!

The above video had nothing to do with the post. I just like the song. It shows how grimy L.A. is. Hot girl dancing in an alley? Uh, ok. This song makes me wish I was both black and lived in Compton. That, or know Timbaland. I’m gonna go with the latter since that seems like a more reasonable accommodation.

The older I get what I want becomes more specific. With career. With women. With everything really. It’s not that what mattered 10 years ago changed, it’s I’ve changed. For the better. This is pretty much what I want out of life. Since you didn’t ask…

• Great friends – Got them. I have the best friends anyone could hope for. They’re nice and funny and sensitive and aren’t dicks. Well, not all the time anyway (Chad). Friends are the family you pick. I’ve picked well.

• A career where I love what I do everyday – I get closer to that everyday. What’s that? Comedy? Damn straight. Screenwriting? Damn straight. Damn straight? Damn straight.

• A woman who is both funny and attractive and thinks I’m worth a damn. I’ve had that in my life. There’s a lot of reasons I don’t anymore (the beatings-kidding). You can’t predict everything. Getting closer though. Thank god for the patience of women. That’s all I’m saying. Guys aren’t vindictive and mean, we’re just stupid. I’m not kidding.

Aside from kajillions of dollars, that’s about it. Face it, we’re all dead within the next 50 years. No need to stress. Life is simple as long as you keep it simple. Love your friends. Love your partners. Love your life. And that’s some dumb Irish guy’s wish for you this Saturday.

 

I love you all.  

                                                                                                                                                                     SONG- That’s The Way Love Goes by Janet Jackson – Because. That’s why. “Side A boo! Side A!” Her love is like a disfigured moth. That’s not weird at all.                                                                 

- Joel